X-Men: The Last Stand Shocks By Not Sucking So Much

X-Men: The Last Stand Shocks By Not Sucking So Much

May 31

I was alarmed by the degree to which I did not hate X-Men: The Last Stand.

I have been a pretty vocal detractor of the idea of Brett Ratner making this movie. Many things I read about it made me irritable, and so, in the grand modern nerd tradition, I bitched about it all over teh intarwebs. What it boils down to is that I was convinced they didn’t “get it”–with “they” being director Brett Ratner and exec producer/Marvel movie guru Avi Arad.

I would like to eat all those virtual words. I would like to squirt barbecue sauce on them and devour them, or at least most of them.

Because I was pretty wrong. X3 did not really suck very much at all. It was actually good, and at times, almost great.

Spoilers ahead, ye matey! Dead men tell no tales!

I sat there in the theater on Monday afternoon watching X3 and actually had a really good time. I was drawn in, I was invested, I was excited and I laughed. Stunned, I went home and cried myself to sleep. Or maybe we ate P.F. Chang’s for dinner. I forget.

The next day, I read the online nerdery’s reaction, and it was pretty split between the chill contingent who seemed to think X3 being a fun summer movie was good enough (in other words, check your brains at the door), and the sometimes very unchill contingent who griped and bitched and vented spleen.

Mind you, I didn’t think it was a GREAT movie, not as good as X2 or either Spider-Man film. And I certainly hate bad dumb movies as much as the next snob. But I did have to ask myself, as Roger Ebert often does: Did the movie do what it set out to do?

I think X3 did, absolutely. I’d put it on par with the original X-Men in that regard. I think it was CNN that said it was the Return of the Jedi of X-Men movies, and that’s spot on. Lots of potential, some of it realized, some of it wasted. And at the end of the day, still a great ride.

There’s a lot to take apart and pick the shit out of here, so I’ll just utter one controversial statement, and then move on with my life. What shocked me most about X3 is that I firmly believe they did NOT mangle the Phoenix storyline. Like many of us, this was my biggest fear going in and I was prepared to be hugely disappointed.

I honestly think they fully realized a version of Phoenix that worked within this specific movie universe and packed an emotional punch. There were not planets destroyed, but nor was Phoenix just a voiceless thug working for Magneto, as many early reviews suggested. In fact, I think the second scene at Jean Grey’s house was incredibly well done. Well written, well acted, well executed in terms of special effects. It gave an emotional payoff to the end of X2, and it had a kind of resonance that was equivalent to Phoenix destroying a planet in the comics.

They bungled plenty. Cyclops’ death, Rogue’s subplot, every scene with Angel, even Kitty Pryde to some degree, all totally wasted. But for every ball they whiffed, there was one they hit for at least a solid double, if not a home run.

And yes, I realize a baseball metaphor has no place on a site for the great pasty unwashed geek menagerie, who find physical activity to be reprehensible.