For the Future Files of Nerd Nation
Aug 21
For the Future Files of Nerd Nation
Dear Loudmouth Fanboy Clerk at Comic Shop Near Me Which Shall Remain Nameless for Now,
My better half and I were having a very nice little time at the comic shop this weekend until you intervened. Your fellow clerk, Gracious Fanboy, was ringing us up and doing quite a good job of it — I do not believe he required any assistance. And yet, you could not resist the urge to get your dorky self all up in there — “A-ha!” you likely thought. “Customers = the chance to make myself look awesome.”
So you started going through our books and giving your unsolicited opinions on each and every one. How fascinating that you enjoy Checkmate because it “gives [you] the chance to use [your] English degree.” How scintillating that you feel Runaways has a “good premise,” but lacks follow-through. I could have tolerated your commentary if it had ended there, but you then proceeded to gather the stack of books up in your grimy mitts and deliver a one-word proclamation on each one (“Good,” “OK,” “Poo”). Said proclamations were obviously not meant to provoke discussion with us, the customers, but were merely intended to, once again, show us your complete and total “awesomeness.” Whilst you were doing this, Gracious Fanboy had already rung up the purchase, gathered bags and boards, and was standing by waiting to hand over our books. Gracious Fanboy, if I may speculate, probably finds you kind of annoying. When you finally finished with your commentary, Gracious Fanboy rescued the stack of books from you, muttering “I’m sure they’re glad you mostly approve.”
On the contrary, Gracious Fanboy — on the contrary! Were it not for Loudmouth Fanboy, we would have completed the purchase and been out the door five minutes ago.
Loudmouth Fanboy, if you really have the burning urge to “help” Gracious Fanboy when he is assisting customers, I must insist that you confine your obnoxious, condescending, fucking irritating comments to the duration of the transaction. Once we sign the sales slip? You’re done.
If you really, really need to share your one-word views on comics with all the land, why not put that English degree to use and start a fucking blog like everyone else?
Thanks bunches,
Sarah
Boy, that’s a dude I’d like to see put in a few months at a drugstore or supermarket.
“NOBODY CARES WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT TIDE! GO GET ANOTHER BOX OUT OF THE BACK! GOGOGOGOGO!”
The scary part, or perhaps cool part, is that someday, that will be part of an actual review of an actual store with a name and everything. Can we actually provoke a rash of firings at comic shops across the nation and maybe rid geekdom of these nerdier-than-thou jerks?
I love this story.